Change is something to believe in because it's constant. While, in the hopes of my adopted land it's a good thing, change is also unpredictable and comes at the cost of people around us.
We found out about my fathers return of cancer at the beginning of September. He'd not been feeling well for a while, apparently the diagnosis was not that unexpected. Dad was his very practical self, asking all the questions that needed asking when they received the diagnosis from the doctor . All we really knew at the time was that it wasn't going to be years.
Heather and I flew out with Jack mid September so Dad could meet him for the first time. We were there for 10 days, helping a bit around the house and just hanging about with the family. It was an important trip.
About a week and a half after getting home to the US we got the call from Mum that dad had been taken to hospital. He passed away in the early hours of the 9th of October.
I want back again without Heather and Jack for the funeral, the funeral being as good as one could be (!), we found a minister who helped us workout a timeline, we were able to project pictures through his life on a screen throughout the service. My brother and I spoke for a few minutes each.
I spoke about his early life. which started in Hackney, London. Here is the majority of my speech from the funeral.
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Philip Charles Ruder was born to Gladys and Charles Ruder in 1947. Based on the early pictures we found of dad, the Ruder family would often take trips to the seaside; nanny Glad and granddad Charlie dressed up nicely withdad and his sister Lesley in tow.
During his teenage years dad was a singer in a band, even making an appearance at the Hackney Empire. Dad started his working years as an apprentice plumber, eventually running a building company with granddad.
Lesley introduced our mum to dad in 1963, they became a couple in 67, engaged in 68 and married in 69 - so it would have been their 40th anniversary next year.
The year I was born dad switched jobs and started working for Ford Motor Company. He did shift work for over 25 years.
When he wasn’t working, dad would be engrossed in one of his many hobbies. His great passion was photography. You’ll notice him with a camera around his neck on quite a few of the pictures being shown here today. Once, on a family holiday, he made us sit around for ages while he set the camera just right for a group shot – he set the timer so he could be in the shot as well, but just as the picture was taken the rest of us ran away - one the most memorable pictures we have is of that empty table.
He was also a keen radio ham. When he’d get home from work he’d dive into his shack built into the loft and broadcast his call sign around the world, we’d see strange postcards come though the door with other amateur radio enthusiasts call signs on them.
To support his radio habit he built an aerial, which can be described as a 15-foot high rotary drier washing line on our roof. It made our house famous; you could spot it at least half a mile away. It was great, we didn’t need to give the local cab drivers an address – we’d use “house with the massive washing line on top of it”.
Our dad also occasionally played golf with Roger, but I don’t think he enjoyed it that much. Once he sliced badly to the right and hit a moving eastbound central line train, which was at least 100 yards off the fairway. That was bad, but on his very next tee shot he hit a westbound central line train. I don’t think he played golf much after that.
He loved music, his favourite genres were doo wop, motown and 50’s era rock and roll.
He also collected coins, stamps, miniature cars and seemingly computers. He was a fisherman, I remember him often taking me and Darren to the River Lee with a packed lunch of ham sandwiches wrapped in cling film - but I don’t remember any fish.
After dad retired he went back to work part time, earning extra money for his camera lenses, radio gear, fishing gear, flights to America etc (!). He was a minicab driver for Clarkes of South Woodford – which was handy because the cab drivers already knew where we lived.
In closing,
I’ll remember our dad as a decent, honourable and trustworthy man.
I’ll remember our dad as a man whose dedication and love to my mother was outstanding.
I’ll remember our dad as a smart man whose experience and knowledge will be sorely missed.
I’m very proud to be my father’s son.
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Her are some pictures we showed at the ceremony.
